Fight or Fall Read online

  Ava was now wrapping the thin pad thai noodles between the tiny grooves in her fork. We were sitting on the floor, our backs against the couch. She raised her fork, nudging my mouth to open. Shit, if Leif or Jeff saw me doing this I’d be the butt end of endless ribbing and teasing. They’d say that I was getting soft or turning into a pansy. I opened my mouth and half-chewed on her offering.

  “You like it?” she asked, her white teeth making an appearance, her orange face looking brighter.

  Yeah, I like you. A lot. “It’s good.”

  “I know, right? I can’t believe you haven’t tried Seafood Pad Thai.”

  I haven’t tried a lot of things. “I’ll have you try some of the Quiche Lorraine from my fave bakery one of these days.” Her gray eyes were twinkling, as if she was having a light bulb moment.

  I pulled her closer to me, her head reflexively leaning against the crook of my armpit. “I’ll try anything you want me to try.”

  She played with her fork, spearing another thin noodle. “Even pumpkin facials?”

  “If you’re the one giving it to me, yes. Other than that, no fucking way.” I inhaled her flowery scented hair. “And you better be naked when you’re applying that shit on me.”

  She bubbled in laughter. She’d have to catch me on a very good day before I’d have her put some shit on my face. Maybe after three rounds of sex…maybe.

  The cooking show she liked to watch was on, her phone was playing some soft music, the small flurry of activity, her eating, me eating, her feeding me felt natural, familiar, effortless. Tonight she’d given me something she’d never given anyone.

  In the shower, when I’d asked why not, she shrugged her shoulders and said that she didn’t feel like giving her virginity to anyone. When I asked her if it hurt, she’d said it did, but only for a second or two. She’d acted like it was no big deal. But it was. To me, it was. Ava made me feel…made me hope that maybe there was something good left in me, that I was worthy of something she’d never handed to anyone. That maybe I did make a mistake and it was time for me to stop pussy-footing about it and own it.

  I was going to ask her to go to Colorado with me and maybe spend some time hanging out, kayaking and white water rafting in Central Colorado’s Arkansas River. I’ve never been there but I heard from Jeff that his girlfriend, Sharon, loved the scenery and wildlife.

  I felt something shift inside me, I didn’t know what to do with it. I’ve followed my own instincts all of my life, it’s saved me from making a fool of myself, protected me and my sister from the harsh realities of the world as much as I could, but it’s also led me to making the biggest mistake of my life.

  Tonight I was following Ava’s lead, her instincts, her voice of reason. “How do you feel about taking a trip to Arizona with me?”

  I felt the tension in him. He’d been very quiet the last few days leading up to the trip. This month, he didn’t have to fight. The audience had chosen a Japanese fighter against a Ukrainian fighter. The Japanese guy was scary to watch. He looked small, but his size was deceiving. I haven’t seen anyone move as fast as he did and I thought I heard the snapping of bones when he kicked the Ukrainian guy. I prayed to God Milo wouldn’t have to face him. I had no doubt my man had excellent fighting skills, but I still had my reservations. Every time Milo’s name was announced, I wanted to throw up. Granted, I didn’t like to watch the fights at all. The Next Generations Fight Club was the first fight club that my father owned.

  I’d never be used to seeing Milo hurt. Each kick, each blow, each punch that landed on his body were direct hits to my heart. He always seemed to be okay after the fights though, to which I can thank my lucky stars for. The last time I saw him truly get hurt was when the Brazilian guy hit his leg, but even then Milo didn’t seem to have a difficult recovery time. Maybe it was because he knew his body so well after years of being in sports.

  My mom was doing okay. She’d been having better days – I think she was getting stronger. Every day I managed to have lunch with her. My father had been okay with me visiting her frequently. I could even take her out now if I wanted to. His acquiescence was largely due to the fact that I’d been watching the fights and going along with his orders – staying away from other guys, except Emmett. Emmett had been out-of-town. He’d been texting me, asking me of my availability, and when he gets back in town he’d love to hang out. I had to delete those messages right away as soon as I received them. I had yet to tell Milo about my father’s recent meddling about who I dated. My father was distracted with a business merger with an Indonesian mining company, according to Daniel, so he wasn’t around much. I’ve exchanged a few words with him in the hallways when I visited Mom, but that was it. He was like that; he’d lock himself in his room at the house or his office in downtown Las Vegas when something big was about to happen.

  Milo would no doubt flip out when I tell him that I had to date Emmett or pretend to date Emmett or my father might lessen my visiting hours or totally ban me from visiting mom. I’d have to tell Milo one of these days, but was it a sin to just keep it to myself right now? I’ve never been happier in my life. Being with him, in his arms, I felt secure, protected, safe. Like he formed a bubble that could ward off anything bad from happening to me. I wasn’t cheating on him. I was just keeping him to myself for a while. Forever if I could.

  “Fuck! Did you see that? They don’t even have their blinkers on and they just switched to the left lane. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Are they drinking the same fucking Kool-Aid or what? I can’t believe this shit!” Those were the first few words that he’d said since he picked me up almost an hour ago, after kissing me for a full two minutes, coupled with groping my butt. He’d been silent, and if I didn’t know him I’d think he was ignoring me, but I knew he was deep in his thoughts, on his upcoming meeting with his sister.

  “Milo, this is gonna be a long drive if you’re gonna watch and comment about every driver on the road.” I sighed, reaching for his right arm, stroking him with my left hand. He got so upset at the drivers on the road. I bet that if he could, he’d want to put every single driver on the road who turned on their left turn signals at the last minute, changed lanes like their butts were on fire, and did not stop for three full seconds at the stop signs, inside a cage and punch them one by one while screaming traffic rules and regulations.

  I connected the playlist on my phone to the media console in his Audi via Bluetooth and started playing slow music. I kept my hand on his arm, and he didn’t say anything to what I’d said, but his right eye was twitching and his jaw muscles were ticking.

  Hmm…I had a feeling why he was on the edge. Edgier than usual.

  I’d had my monthly visitor for the past three days so he’d been extra needy. I wanted to surprise him today that my visitor just left. He doesn’t force me into anything. He stayed by my side when I had cramps and brought me Midol when I ran out. He even offered to buy me tampons, but I told him I had a Costco-sized supply. When I said, “Other men would be ashamed of buying menstrual products,” he’d replied with, “Well, other men don’t have to grow up with a younger sister, and Bee had no one else to buy it for her. Aunt Margie did, but sometimes she forgot, and when she was busy it was too much of a hassle to ask for that, so I was the one who supplied Bee with whatever she needed. I just made sure to stay away from her days before because her moods were up and down.”

  I took off the light green jacket I was wearing, leaving me with my white tank top and white bra underneath it, stretching my legs in my dark blue yoke cord miniskirt. I made a show of taking my jacket off, flexing my neck and pushing out my cleavage more than usual.

  “Baby…” I heard his groan.

  Yup. Exactly the reaction I was looking for. I’d rather have him aroused than angry at all the drivers on the road or this drive would be unbearably long.

  From inside my dark green Chanel tote bag, I took out my jelly-sheer gloss, reached for the passenger’s pull-out mirror above me and used th
e gloss applicator slowly, ensuring that my lips were coated in unbeatable shine. I let my tongue out a little with each stroke of the brush.

  “Fuucckk…” His voice was loud and hoarse. Oh, he was very, very aroused.

  I scanned my gaze to the view ahead of us. The I-40 had miles and miles of alternating flat and mountainous terrains. Having lived in Vegas all my life and visiting Brynn in Arizona, I knew there were certain spots where we could pull over and pretend to be tourists to check out the views.

  I didn’t acknowledge the fact that he was watching what I was doing, but from my peripheral vision I could tell he was worked up. He was swallowing frequently, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, the grip of his left hand on the steering wheel was extra tight, and his hand could rival the car’s engine in heat when he held my free hand.

  I opened my legs a little wider, arched my back, and my right hand disappeared inside my skirt.

  I timed it just right.

  In a matter of minutes, we were exiting at a rest stop. He parked his car on the far side of the near- empty lot, and almost yanked me out of my seat, as he unbuckled my seatbelt. By the time we reached the backseat, he already had his jeans down and his boxers were bulging with his straining erection.

  “Ava, baby, duchess…I can’t drive this way.” His green eyes were darkened, his breaths were choppy, he sounded almost pleading. “Even if it’s just your hands…I need you.”

  I climbed on top of him, pulled down my tank top, and unsnapped my bra from the back. Milo was very hungry. Hungry for me. He latched on my breasts, biting my nipples with a gentle suction, his hands gliding across my back. He’d asked me why I never gave it to anyone, my virginity, that is. It wasn’t for my lack of trying. I’d dated guys before, but I hadn’t been into them. There was never this crackling intense chemistry with any of them. With Milo, it’s undeniable that with a simple touch, a simple look, he could rouse an emotion out of me – anger, lust, passion, annoyance, frustration. He’s my first. My first love. My first time. The first man who’s captured all of me. I may have been a virgin, but I wasn’t innocent. I’m not closed off to what brings me pleasure. I knew my body well. But Milo, he’s teaching me how my body responds to his touch.

  I felt his solid, rock hard erection through his boxers and I wanted to feel all of him. “Put a condom on.”

  Momentarily, his eyes shifted to mine, questioning. In agonized, quick breaths, I replied, “It’s okay, babe. We’re in the clear.”

  You’d think he just won the lottery when he gave me his biggest, ‘yeah, we’re clear for launch’ smile. He lifted his hips up, lowering my head with his right hand so I wouldn’t hit my head on the car ceiling, and pulled out a foil packet from his jeans. I leaned forward so he could suit himself up and once he was wrapped, he pulled my thong to the side, more like tore my thong to the side, tested my wetness with a finger, then two, then finally slid home.

  “Ride me,” he said, his eyes drilling into mine as I rocked my hips to a slow pace.

  I rocked back and forth, feeling him inside me, getting firmer, harder, bigger.

  “You okay?” Even when he was this aroused, he was still cognizant of my feelings.

  I picked up my pace, and when he flicked on my nubbin of my pleasure, I reached my threshold and went over. I felt my body splintering into a breathtaking orgasm. He lifted my left breast and bit hard on the skin just below it, making my body lean back, my hands forming a V between the backs of the front passenger and driver’s seats.

  His eyes were heavy lidded with unfulfilled desire as he pulled up my miniskirt higher and when his gaze landed at the point where we were joined, he pushed up and seated me lower, harder on him. He set out a purposeful, rapid, feral, primal pace, taking over my body, making me feel just how much he needed, wanted me, yet even with his callused hands on my hips, he doesn’t squeeze me too tight to the point where he’d hurt me.

  I felt the quickening of his gasps, the strain in his breath, and when he opened his mouth, I bit on his lip, murmuring, “You feel so good, so hard inside of me…”

  The veins in his forehead were visible and sweat lined his face as he whispered in spaced out breaths, “I’m coming for you, baby…I’m coming.”

  The thick gush of fluid filled the condom and I stayed seated on top of him.

  After a few seconds, he trailed the rough pad of his fingertip from my lips to the center of my chest. “You’re all I see, all I hear, all I taste. Sei mia, Ava.”

  I was about to ask him what he just said when he kissed me roughly and hugged me tightly.

  He helped me fix my top, lightly touching the stubble burns he’d made on my breasts, his green eyes filling with pride, as if he was saying, “Yeah, I made those…”

  “Feel better?” I teased, running my hands roughly between his cheeks.

  He chuckled lightly, “Give me ten of those…maybe I’ll feel better.”

  Ten? Seriously?

  “I’d never have to attend spinning class or Zumba if you work me out like that ten times a day.”

  He patted my butt and grinned. “I’m all you need to work out and I’ll never complain.”

  “I bet you won’t.” Rolling my eyes at him, I couldn’t help but settle into my thoughts. He’s my slice of heaven. He’s all I see. All I hear. The closest I’ve ever known to loving a man. And one day, I hope he’ll forgive me for what I have to do.

  “Can I take it off now?” I pleaded. I’d been blindfolded for more than an hour. It was a good thing I just put a light powder on my face. If I was wearing mascara I’d look like a demented clown after all the tugging and wiping of my eyes I’ve been doing. When I traveled I hated applying make-up; I liked to let my face breathe.

  “Not yet,” he insisted. He brought a silk black scarf that he’d tied around my eyes during the last stop. He made sure it was tight but he inserted his thumb in between the fold just to make sure it wasn’t too tight.

  “Milo, I didn’t know you were this kinky,” I sputtered out, quirking my lips. “If I did, I’d have seduced you sooner.”

  His booming laugh filled the car. “You’re not taking it off until I tell you to.”

  “Oohh, now you’re being a Dom.” I giggled, reaching for the bottled water in the center console. He handed me the bottle that he’d put a straw in so it wouldn’t spill on me.

  “Twenty minutes and we’re there.”

  “You said that an hour ago, how many twenty minutes are there in half an hour?” I huffed, but really I was excited. It was the first time he was surprising me and I was letting him take the lead.

  Twenty minutes passed by, and finally the car stopped.

  He opened the passenger door and commanded, “Hold on to me, okay?” Folding my legs and carrying me bridal style, I reached my arms around his neck and tucked my head close to his chest. I heard conversations around us while he walked.

  Hmm…the place sounded busy. People walking, chatting, the sounds of cameras clicking were what I heard. It’s amazing when you’re deprived of your sense of sight, you tend to hear everything, becoming extra attuned to your surroundings. No wonder my mom could hear the tiniest sounds of the pin dropping in the room across the hall, her sense of hearing was heightened when she lost her eyesight.

  Slowly, he set me on my feet and took off the blindfold.

  Wow.

  I was entranced, awed, my breath leaving me at the breathtaking view in front of us.

  In front of me, of us, and the small amount of people around us, was a picturesque exhibit of the union of the reddish hues canyons, the burnish orange hues of the setting sun, the endless expanse of space, and the amazing beauty of Mother Nature in all its perfect wonder. I looked down and I felt like I was floating, the sheer magnificence of my surroundings was humbling, jaw-dropping, and thrilling.

  I felt the stinging in my eyes. “Wow, this is amazing, Milo.” I’d been to many places in the world, traveled to the most exotic destinations, but I’d never been to any of
them with a person that I’d want to share the experience with.

  He lowered his head while spreading his legs slightly apart. I leaned back against him instinctively. “I’ve always wanted to come here. I’ve lived in Arizona for more than three years, but I never got around to it. I think this is the reason why.”

  He held his hands across my waist tighter, placing kisses on my head, he continued, “I’m not an easy man, Ava. I’m quick-tempered and I think you know that. I’ve a lot of anger in me. A lot of it is because I’ve always thought that life has been unfair to me, especially to my family – my parents being taken away from me and my sister without even a goodbye, my sister having cancer at such a young age and having to see her struggle day in and day out… Do you know she didn’t like to cry in front of me?” His words were quieter, somber. “It was like Bee wanted to be strong for me. I used to tell myself, if there’s a God, he must be a cruel God to let my sister suffer like she did – the chemo, the bacterial infections, everything…” I knew what Brynn went through. She wrote me letters about them when I couldn’t visit her in the hospital because either I wasn’t allowed due to the chemo she was receiving or my parents and I were out of the country. “There were days when I got up I just wished I had what Bee had instead. I hated every fucking day I saw her with bruises and feeling so helpless against something unseen. The day her cancer was in remission, I believed in God again.”